Been There! Done That! What Now?

Avenue of canes

It’s an amazing feeling when you discover that you have ARRIVED.

The surprising thing is that often we don’t know that all of our lives we’ve been on a journey. Being on a journey suggests that there is a destination. For each of us this will mean something different and this is what I’d like to explore here.

Popular life coaching encourages one to set goals and focus upon achieving them. The completion of a goal gives a feeling of satisfaction and achievement; a knowing that you are good enough and maybe better than anyone else. Goals are good stepping stones to bigger achievements, encouraging one to move forwards and onwards and upwards. Some people become driven by goals and the competition with others that they often encourage.

Some like to feel safe and secure in their world, knowing that they can achieve every day albeit the same skill set. They feel ‘happy’ and ‘content’ ie. safe in not having to stretch themselves; not to feel challenged – as this often creates feelings of stress and it is extremely uncomfortable for them outside their comfort zone, especially if they have had bad or traumatic experiences.

There is a great deal of pressure in our society to achieve, to do our best, to challenge ourselves, to have goals, to do something new. This often translates into making the role or careers we pursue, to become who we think we are; asked who they are will answer ‘I am a teacher’, I am a successful lawyer’, When this happens, we are not realising that we so focussed upon achieving that we are not nurturing the parts of us that make us so much more.

It wasn’t until I resigned from teaching that it came home to me how much I identified myself with my job and my education. All of a sudden I felt that I was, no longer. I had studied hard and long and challenged myself to expand and grow and now I was looking for the next adventure…. I had much loss to deal with when I discarded my career… and it took a deal more of my life’s journey to learn to find and nurture the bits that make me ‘so much more’.

So how do you know when you have ARRIVED?

Think about these questions:

  • What are all of the things that you are doing in your life leading to?
  • What would happen if one day something (eg pandemic) came along and what you are doing/aiming for no longer existed? How do you imagine it to be when you are no longer driven to aim higher? – or you have reached the peak?

Being driven by goals, making money and the need to ‘survive’, are predominant in our society. The problem with this is that they take us outside ourselves and push us outwards. This creates a nervous energy that depletes the body mind and spirit if it is not balanced by a deeper meaningful inward journey.

Taoism and Buddhism espouse ‘going with the flow’ and ‘living in the moment’. Many of us will agree in our minds that this is true; a lovely way to aspire to being. The challenge is to learn how to do this when we have a different emphasis in our conditioning.

Knowing yourself well, connecting with the essence that is you and allowing your outer journey to manifest from your true inner energy source of who you are creates a natural flow for what energises and inspires you. 

Get to know yourself well.

  • Begin with connecting with your heart. Be still. Be still for a time every day. Focus on your heart.
  • Meditate and imagine your heart filled with pure light and love.
  • Remember the things that you have done that lit you up and made you feel inspired inside. When you remember the feeling check in with your heart and see if it is feeling warm and glowing as you are learning the difference between driven excitement that is outwards driven (ego) and your spiritual energy flow from within.

When you achieve knowing yourself, you become. You are you. You love yourself and do and be the love that you are. There is no need for competition; what you do is an expression of love and creativity. If you like having goals, then goals become a vision that takes into account your heart every step on the way.

So, How do you know when you have arrived?

You will find yourself caring about yourself and looking after yourself much better than ever before. You will notice that you have less brain chatter and more heart feelings. You will feel whole, inwardly and outwardly confident, grounded, fulfilled, contented and inwardly warm and happy each moment. You will also notice that you have a balance; time alone/time with others, time for reflection/time for action – a balance that suits you.

It takes a while to find your way home. Sometimes it takes a while to know what it looks and feels like for you. When you really know yourself; what makes your heart sing and you learn to nurture and feed your soul, home is not far away.


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