Feelings of grief and loss are most often seen to be associated with death.
However, each of us have significant losses, especially when we have changes occurring in our lives. These losses are usually not acknowledged. And to a lesser extent the perceived small losses we experience more regularly! We are taught to be BRAVE and to be STRONG! – so feelings of grief and loss are ignored and grief remains unresolved.
This is especially true for children (and also for adults from when they were children!). When there is a death in the family or disaster strikes causing a loss (house burnt down or burgled for example), the adults are in deep grief themselves and having trouble coping. It may be that in this situation when children are quiet it is a blessing because adults aren’t being pestered. On the other hand, if they are angry and noisy they are scolded for being naughty. When we don’t understand grief and feel helpless, parenting may be reactive in this way instead of finding ways to address the grief and loss the children feel. The grief and loss stays with us as unresolved grief and loss.
In time, unresolved grief affects not only emotional well-being, but physical well-being as well.
Have you ever found yourself crying or ‘losing it’ over seemingly small things?
When feelings grief and loss haven’t been properly worked though, small events act as a trigger for that grief. These unresolved feelings of grief and loss are rarely identified as cause as they manifest and are expressed later as Anger or Depression masking the real cause of a person’s feelings and behaviour.
What can you do?
It is possible to heal unresolved grief and its associated feelings once the source has been identified. This can be a life-changing experience. Grieving is a process that needs to be completed in order to resolve the grief.